VT burlesque dance

VT's dance yesterday afternoon, with Miss Eve as the DJ, was themed as "burlesque". No surprises then that Mistress ended up looking stunning and I.... wore a corset and stockings, and did my hair all special, and Mistress was kind enough to quickly make me some extra frill for the bottom of my corset!

I might be no Toni, but Mistress seemed to very much approve. ;)

As always, I let my camera wander and took photos of those around us. You can find them all over on imgur.

Lack of concentration

I messed up last night. I made a mistake due to lack of concentration and getting used to a new way of doing things. More importantly I learnt a lesson, and Mistress was kind enough to help me deal with the annoyance I felt towards myself over making the mistake.

As mentioned a couple or so days back, I'm having a lot of fun exploring a new avatar, a new "version" of Antony. Mistress has been amazingly supportive, encouraging and helpful and she also seems to be getting a lot of delight from watching me explore this and being part of it.

One of the things with being Toni is, of course, that my collar doesn't really fit. Thankfully it can be put into "stealth mode" so it's still there, can still be used, but just isn't visible. When I'm Toni I have a simple choker that I wear that more or less lines up with the invisible collar and so has the leash make sense when needed.

At this point I should point out that I love the collar I wear and what it represents. Mistress and I purchased it together in the early days of out relationship and she customised it, placing her name on it. Since she placed it on me it's been off twice, I think; once for a particular outfit (before we'd discovered the "stealth" setting) and once for some sort of maintenance, the purpose of which I forget now.

I never hide my collar lightly and hate not seeing it around my (Antony's) neck.

So you can imagine my horror and annoyance with myself when I got home from last night's dance at VT and realised that, after changing from Toni to Antony to go to the dance, I'd failed to make it visible.

Quick as a flash, perhaps sensing how I was feeling, Mistress pulled out a Z&A Wooden Horse, grabbed me onto it, and pulled out a simple whip.

A short and sharp reminder followed, complete with clear instructions on how I was to never make this mistake again. Once done Mistress set a timer for 30 minutes of in-world time, retired to her bed and ordered me to log out.

So this morning I logged in to spend half an hour contemplating the mistake and resolving to always be more careful when changing from Toni back to Antony. The first job after doing so is to always unhide my collar.

I really can't thank Mistress enough. I really was annoyed and a little upset with myself that I'd made that mistake. Now it's dealt with and I can ensure I never get it wrong again.

Thank you Mistress. I love you. <3

VT goddesses dance

The theme for yesterday's VT dance, with Purple DJing, was "Goddesses and those who worship them". The idea was simple enough: the dominant ladies dress in a way that expressed their position and the subs.... well, I got to wear what Mistress told me, of course. ;)

Mistress came up with a stunning outfit, and she had me wear her favourite thing: a kilt. Oh, and, of course, I was back to being my "normal self" for the dance.

Mistress wasn't the only goddess there, of course, so I did allow my camera to wander (with Mistress' permission, obviously) and take photos of those around us. They can be found in an album over on imgur.

More evolution

It's well over a year, getting on for two, since I first put on a dress in Second Life. As I wrote at the time, it was something that was a little out of my comfort zone, but also something I was willing to do. In that time I've become more and more intrigued by that form of wardrobe expansion, to the point that "female clothing" forms a good part of my wardrobe and you'll likely find Antony in a dress or skirt 50% of the time.

In the past seven months that I've had the honour of calling Anna my Mistress and partner, I've explored this more and more. She's supported, encouraged, suggested and even, from time to time, ordered. It's been a wonderful and eye-opening experience. It's also been a little frustrating at times because there are so many items of female clothing I'd love to buy and wear but which are never going to fit me. Mostly, shopping for female clothing is a vicarious pleasure for me, accompanying Mistress on shopping trips, keeping an eye out for things she might like, offering my opinion on outfits when asked, etc.

And then, last week, the VT weird dance "body swap" happened. While vague talk of how it might be fun to create a "female Antony" had happened on and off in the past, this was my first real experience of wearing and dressing a female shape. It was so much fun. Of course, it was odd and silly because I was dressing up as a Mirror image of Mistress, but something clicked, with both of us.

The following day we had a semi-serious chat about the idea of me creating a female avatar (still as Antony, not an alt, just a different persona for Antony) which resulted in us both going "sod it, let's do this!" and marching off to Maitreya so I could buy a mesh body (because... why not!).

An hour or two of shape creation and fiddling later and I had a shape I was mostly happy with. It was a shape of my own creation, from scratch, with Mistress looking over my shoulder and offering helpful hints and suggestions when I got a little stuck. After trying a lot of skin demos I finally settled on what I think is just the right skin for me too.

The final result is this:

I say "final result", but it obviously isn't. This is, without a doubt, just the start of the journey. Toni (as we're calling her at the moment, I think it's stuck now) is my attempt at "if Antony was female". It's a female look that informs Antony's long-standing taste in female clothing for his male form. She will, without question, evolve more in shape and style. I've already created a couple of other outfits. One is using the Maitreya Vixen dress (from what I can see pretty much everyone who has the Lara body has this dress, because why the hell not!):

The other is a dress from Blueberry that was purchased at Mistress' insistence. I think I can see why she likes me in it:

We also had a bit of a female shopping trip yesterday, picking up lots of demos for me to try. Today is likely to be a big demo day and I imagine I'll be making more purchases and creating more outfits before the day is out.

I should stress though, Toni isn't taking over from Antony. Toni is an occasional look, a slightly different persona for Antony, someone to dip in and out of as the fancy takes me (or as the fancy takes Mistress too). Toni also means that I no longer have to shop vicariously; I can now shop alongside Mistress and enjoy it to the full.

Toni is also another new and unique journey with my Mistress, another way for us to grow together, and closer, and to learn more about each other. Thank you Mistress. <3

VT toga party

Yesterday afternoon VT had a toga party. The set was similar to one that was used last year, and it's one that has a special significance for Mistress and I. The last time it appeared was our first proper dance date (we had danced there once before, but that was a spur-of-the-moment thing).

Rather than use the exact same costumes this time around Mistress went with a variation on the last one and she also, very kindly, made me a texture to go on what can only be described as a rather precariously held up towel!

Of course, we weren't the only ones prancing around the dancefloor in togas. I took photos of those around us, the album can be found over on imgur.

VT weird dance (and a body swap)

Yesterday's dance at VT was themed "weird". It was simple really, wear something weird. This actually stumped Mistress and I. When you stop, step back and look at how we dress our avatars, by any "normal" standard (how else do you measure "weird" without there being "non-weird"?) we dress and act weird a lot of the time.

Eventually though an idea formed: rather than dress weird, as such, create a scene, something people will see, that is weird. The idea? Well, instead of Miss Anna and Antony going to the dance, how about Miss Anna and Anna going to the dance?

We managed to put this together in about an hour. Mistress' shape is her own creation so she could pass a copy to me. The skin was a L$1 item off the marketplace (not as nice as Mistress', but actually not bad overall). The Bax boots I already owned. The dress is a group gift from Hilly Haalan. A pair of similar-coloured eyes (Mistress' are brown, mine are normally blue) were also purchased for just L$1. The only real expense was the hair, which is a favourite of Mistress' at the moment and so I begged to be allowed to spend the L$250 it cost to top things off perfectly.

One little collar swap (it's very rare we unlock my collar, but it's sometimes worth it for the perfect outfit) and renamer fun later and we were all set to give people a case of the double-takes.

As usual, it wasn't all just photos of us. I uploaded a whole album over on imgur.

The whole effect, especially given that we used Mistress' dance HUD so we were sort of "mirror dancing", seemed to work really well. I have to admit too that wearing a female shape for a while was a very interesting experience and, I think, one we might explore a little more (albeit not with Mistress' shape -- that was a one-off for the laughs).

Before we went to bed Mistress unlocked the temporary collar and locked her collar back on me. This is how I woke up this morning:

One thing is for sure: her permanent collar for me doesn't quite fit her adorable shape, and if I do create a female shape to experiment with and try out from time to time I might need a second collar.

Evolution

Yesterday I was on the Z&A work platform testing something and, in doing so, using my "stunt double". The avatar in question is a general shop test avi that, a couple of years back, I kitted out to look like me. Same shape, same hair, same skin, etc. The idea was that, if I was ever in a position where I couldn't pose for a vendor board shoot (mostly because of being locked in something) I could use the stunt double in my place.

As we both stood side-by-side I chuckled to myself how similar and yet how different we looked, and I then took a photo and sent it to Mistress and mentioned how I'd changed in the past year, especially in the past 7 or so months we've known each other well.

I really love this picture because of what it says, what it represents, what it conveys about how I've changed in the past 12 months. On the surface the two avatars appear the same; but as I look at them, as I especially look at me (I'm the one on the left in the photo, obviously), I'm reminded of the influence Mistress has had on me.

Mistress and I have spoken at some length about how people change in relation to a partner, and how that can be a good thing or a bad thing. Some people change under pressure, change to try and suit the other person's idea of who they should be, change because they're not valued; this is never a good form of change -- it's a change that is from without, forced on you, that happens because of the fear of loss or the lack of acceptance.

Antony has, and so I have, changed since I've known Mistress. But this is a good sort of change. It's change that has come from within, which has been encouraged by her, which has been a natural evolution of me because I've become part of a wonderful and deeply important partnership. I've discovered things about myself, I've found I take great delight in things and modes of dress that I'd never considered before. There's no question that they have arisen because they're Mistress' interests, but she has never forced or coerced me into them. They have happened because of the sheer joy of pleasing someone you love and who reciprocates and appreciates that.

On the right, as I look at the photo, I see a me who made do with things, who had no plans, who was simply doing what he'd always been doing and wasn't really going anywhere. On the left I see a me that I'm proud to be. At that moment I was locked in an outfit that I'd put together to please Mistress and I felt -- really felt -- that I was wearing it with pride and a deep sense of joy that it made her happy too. I would still be wearing it to please her (and so delight myself) even without the RLV fun involved.

It's easy to say "it's just pixels"; too easy, in fact. What you see above is a virtual expression of who I am now, what is important to me, how I see myself and what excites me.

It's not just the heels that make Antony a little taller...