While, of course, the original text is aimed squarely at "RL D/s" it translates to (or, I think I should say, flows into) Second Life too (not to mention all forms of online and long-distance D/s interaction).
Over the past few years I've had cause to interact with many Dommes (and Doms). It's all part and parcel of being one half of Z&A. And almost all of them have been polite and a joy to deal with. But there has been a handful who seem to think that being a submissive means I should just jump when I'm told (while, apparently, completely ignoring the content of my profile which clear states that that's never going to happen). I've had a Domme IM out of the blue and ask very inappropriate questions, I've had more than one that will ask for help and then pretty much refuse to listen to the help and advice I have to offer, I've even had one IM and tell me (yes, tell me) that I'll be custom-scripting some equipment for their club. In each and every case, even when I was unowned, I felt that it was perfectly fine to just say no and/or act with confidence as an individual. And I would hope each and every submissive would feel the same.
I'm sure my experiences are nothing when compared to subs who don't spend most of their time hidden away in their workshop making fun things. Based on the chat of some of the in-world groups I'm a member of I get the impression that there's a good few dominants out there who struggle with the idea that every sub is not their sub. It really annoys me when you see a dominant question the "true nature" of someone's submissiveness just because they're not willing to be submissive to them, at that point.
So, anyway, enough rambling by me. I thought the blog post said what needs to be said time and again and says it really well.
I'm submissive. I'm just not your submissive.
Unless you're her, then I am. ;)
It is perfectly fine to say "no". As far as I understand, you decide who's the person that deserves to be trusted, and nobody can force that decision on you.
ReplyDeleteHaving your nature questioned is more than annoying. To me, is an alarm sign. "If you really were...", "If you really loved me..." are expressions often used by manipulators and abusers, to make their target/victim doubt about themselves, feel bad and thus concede their demands. It doesn't mean, the person using that kind of expression is automatically an abuser... but it makes me immediately close and be on guard.
The key to me is SSC. When someone tries to force a decision on me, by questioning anything about me in that "let's make you doubt about yourself" fashion, the "C" in SSC is lost. And I'm afraid, if I cannot trust, there's no much business left to do.
You've taken a choice in your life, and so far that choice isn't to be a doormat. Those "dominants" likely don't even know what they're talking about. The one demanding you making the script... The nerve (You're not alone in that, I still have that happening... and my profile has no references at all to any kind of submissiveness.)
I guess that some think you call yourself "master of the universe" and that's it, everybody has to kneel at you. Well, good luck with that :-)